This post has been created by Roman Marshanski, the founder of this site. See also best jokes rated by other visitors or new jokes. But today the lad who plants the trees phoned in sick.'. Three men find a Leprechaun and he says, "I will snap my fingers and we will be at the top of my rainbow." Q: What happens when a leprechaun falls into a pool? What is the Zombie equivalent of a Leprechaun's Pot o' Gold? See more. - Sista-matic. asked Bridget. Well you caught me lassie! How do you start the St Patricks Day parade in the ghetto? What did the poor leprechaun say as he ran from the police? Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. ", A guy walks into the bar bathroom and begins to relieve himself at a urinal. Some jokes can be so bad that theyre actually good. growls the angry man, "How in the hell do you pee?" But would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?'. How did the leprechaun beat the Irish man to the pot of gold? Why do frogs like St. Patrick's Day? Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter. and he blows his brains out with a shotgun. A few hours into work, Paddy tells Murphy he wants to get the day off. Q: Why cant leprechaun ever end a golf game? Sure, they're great at shorthand! Knock Knock "Gurl, I will sham rock your world." If youre looking for some funny Irish jokes, the ones below should give you a giggle! An English man, Irishman and a Scotch man are sitting in a pub full of people. Never the less the leprechaun says your loss and starts to walk away. Roll a 40 down the street! No, the man replied. Erin. What do you call a fake Irish stone? Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? Do leprechauns make good secretaries? He was just minding his own business when I sat down on the stool next to him and ordered my drink. He arrived back up the stairs ten minutes later. A week later the lad comes back. Paddy and Sean are planning to go out on St Patricks Day, but only have 50 cents between them. The Irishman reaches in, picks the fly out, holds it up close to his face and shouts, Spit it out you little bastard.. A: Leprechaun spelled backwards. They need all the luck they can get! Ah here, you drank those very quickly said the barman. I was in a bar restroom at the urinals getting rid of my daily intake of beer when in walks in the shortest guy I had ever seen. To every monastery in every county. The leprechaun laughs, "You And there's a little Irishman taking a piss in the urinal. Why do leprechauns hate running? WebThis time, the guy successfully catches the leprechaun. Q: What job did the leprechaun have at the restaurant? The Halfback of Notre Dame! a St. Patrick's Day Parade How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover? Do you know what they call leprechaun pee? How did the Irish Jig get started? F*ck this, shouted Anto as he ran out of the room. How do Irish cooks keep their tools organized? He goes up to the urinal to piss as well and is shocked at the guys big dick. Lucky Charms! He gets O'ffended. This time, the guy successfully catches the leprechaun. A leprechaun doesnt get offended if you ask him if his whales blue. When it turns green! There's a pot of gold waiting in ye car. In 2022 Jades first book The Ultimate Irish Road Trip Guide was published and is currently available on Amazon. What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? The undivided attention of a leprechaun. When she answered the door, Pat Glynn, her husbands manager at the brewery, was stood on the doorstep. With that in mind, here are ten hilarious Irish dirty jokes. Why is it difficult to borrow money from a leprechaun? A: He gets wet, Q: Why did the leprechaun cross the road? Who's there? Three guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking along the beach together one day. A: Shortstop. Disclaimer: This is a Russian joke which I am translating after a few too many glasses of wine. The other lad filling them in. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? I just got a hand-job from a Leprechaun Potty who? What do you call it when a leprechaun gets a free handjob? Surprised, he greets him. Anto and his wife were lying in bed in their house in Dublin one Saturday morning. What is a leprechauns St. Patrick's Day Ideas for an Extra Lucky Holiday, 62 Silly St. Patrick's Day Jokes That Give Dad Jokes a Run for Their Money, Your Privacy Choices: Opt Out of Sale/Targeted Ads. What can I do for you?" "I gotcha! A shamrock. BOOs! Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland? All bunged up A lad from Clare went to his Pat. She is excited to share what she discovers with her readers. Anto replied, Delighted? Q: Why are leprechauns so concerned about global warming? They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. A troll, a hag and a leprechaun walk into a bar A pretty girl and an honest one. Thats good, said Sean. There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. "If you don't sleep with me, the leprechauns have already won." Paddys walking home from the pub when he finds a woman tied to the railway track. ", An old drunkard gets kicked out of an Irish pub. Theyre both for me.. The barmaid is disgusted by the sight and kicks the two out. around? May your blessings outnumber The shamrocks that grow, They found it at a party, talking way too loudly. Q: What type of bow cant a leprechaun tie? (Sister Matic). They have just finished their pints The leprechaun wiggles his fingers and Bam! Q: Why do leprechauns make such good secretaries? Did you hear about the Irishman who took his car for its first service? So did you hear about the leprechaun that got arrested for identity theft? I stir it in with my left hand, replied the first lad. St Patricks Day Bar Jokes Q: What is a blondes' reaction to hearing "drinks are on the house". Irish Who? Tony, he called. Theyd rather jig than jog. "All right, I've got you this time. If you live with younger siblings at home, wearing green on St. Patrick's Day is crucial for survival. How do I get to the other side of the river?, shouted one lad to the other. A: The Celtics. On the third hole (a long dogleg left par 4) he smashes his driver over the trap that guards the left corner of the dogleg. The man looks at the bartender and says, "Yo, I'd like to get a beer for me and an Irish wine for my little pal here! The Irishman stood waiting, growing more and more frustrated. The Leprechaun has a massively huge dick, the guy asks "Hey how did you get your dick so big?". Theyre awesome. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick's Day? Are you willing to takea dick this big?" A man walks into a public restroom to relieve himself. Thats quite good but in Scotland you can buy one drink and get another 2 for free. Sure, youd be arrested for less!. A cold beer and another one. You haven't met an Irish Women yet! That you have too much time on your hands! A: A Jolly Green Giant. Plus, theres something else awesome and interesting youll find on this page. The funniest sub on Reddit. Where do leprechauns live? What do you call a Leprechaun in a stand-up routine? The leprechaun next to him turns and says, Can I borrow a dollar?? and the bartender says, "What do guys think this is, a joke?". 2. A guy stands on the first tee on a beautiful Irish morning. Youre very clover. Warren who? Dirty jokes, to be precise, are as common in Ireland as sheep on a country road, so we just had to create a list of the best to give you a good laugh. I don't have four leaves, but if you pluck me, I'll give you luck! The leprechaun looks around and says, "Saints preserve us! (With Irish accent) If liquor were a pond and I were a duck Id swim to the bottom and never come up We specialise in Bizarre Irish News, Viral Videos and general Irish Craic. The leprechaun reply's well you see me top hat don?t ya, you see me green suit don't ya, and is it not St. pattys day, what more proof do you need laddy. Q: What did the Cheerio say to its sweetheart on St. Paddys Day? Because real rocks are too heavy. A Guide To Weather, Seasons + Climate, How To Get Around In Ireland: The Pros + Cons To Cars, Tours and Public Transport, Airports in Ireland: Where They Are And Which Is The Best To Fly Into. Emphasis onsome. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. I havent found her head yet!. A: Youre my lucky charm. Embarrassed, he apologizes, Father O'Malley was walking through the fields in Belfast when he looked down and saw a four leaf clover. So I took a dump on the floor and chewed up her shoes. Yes, this is another potentially offensive and dirty Irish joke involving sheep. Leprechaun Jokes Q: Why shouldnt you borrow money from a leprechaun? An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. There were three leprechauns standing outside a church in Dublin- A father and two brothers. After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint. What's the main difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? Do people get jealous of the Irish? The man says, "I found out that my son is gay." Then a Leprechaun came out from behind a tree and stood before him. Lepre-converse. If you ever catch a leprechaun, they may grant you 3 wishes so youll release them. To make a rain-bow. If you want a dick thisbig, you'll have to be willing to take it. May your wishes come true and your truth be wise. Q: What basketball team do leprechauns cheer for? Who's there? A saint pat-trick. A: Where's the stairs. Another funny joke posted by Phillimac16, originally seen on Reddit. Mount & Do Returning visitor? A stroke of good luck. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. Having had a few drinks, he comments on the dudes huge member. As he enters the bathroom he notices a leprechaun at the urinals. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? Q: What did the baby leprechaun find at the end of the rainbow? The urinals were occupied, so the man opens a stall. I did my best to bring you only the best ones. Or looking for Irish jokes for kids? The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" I thought to myself as he approached the urinal that there was no way that he would be able piss in the "adult" urinal, but he s. Why are leprechauns always laughing when they're running? How do you know if an Irishman is having fun? Did you also know that he enjoys practical jokes?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-box-4','ezslot_11',196,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-box-4-0'); Either way, the jokes about this legendary creature from Irish mythology follow below. Name the top three songs by leprechaun cover bands. What do you call a leprechaun prank? Rick-O-Shea. "We are going into the next pub, order two pints, drink them and when it comes to paying you go down on your knees, unzip my trousers, pull the sausage out and start sucking on it" Cause when I look at you my penis is Dublin. What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head? What happens when you call a leprechaun short? Q: What did the leprechaun say on March 17? Too much to drink and not enough restrooms! What did one shamrock say to the other when it saw a leprechaun? The man repied "Yes, I have 2 kids and a, At the urinal next to his. WebLeprechaun Jokes Q: Why are leprechauns so concerned about global warming? The man drinks it down, and it refil. when he sees a small, dark figure in the distance. Are you going to shear those sheep?, I am not, the neighbour replied. We've got all your leprechaun one-liners right here. Goes for a walk in the forest sees a little fella dressed in green with his head bobbing up and down between his legs, so the yank says to him are you Leprechaun? Thats good says Paddy. He parks the car and runs over to them. How did the Irish Jig get started? The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. It gave a lot of milk and excellent milk it was. Q: What do leprechauns call fake diamonds? He slurre, One jumps up on the other's shoulders, knocks on the door, and jumps down as a priest comes to answer. A: Sham-rocks, Q: What is it called when leprechauns do the wrong dance move? "OK then, I wish that I was married to the hottest woman on Earth, who lived for nothing other than the need to satisfy my every sexual desire." The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke? Who's there? Nobody can really remember much of what happened after that. One turns to the other and says, It was a beautiful ceremony, wasnt it?!. We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. Did you ever hear about the Lucky Charms leprechaun's evil twin? A: Irish you luck. A leper con We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Read Later Add to Favourites Add to Collection Report. She apologises and trys again before farting a second time. What did the giant say to the leprechaun? Fortunes. He's Dublin over with laughter! If you thought Valentine's Day was for all the kissing? A lot of small talk. "Just water," says the priest. He fit all of the stereotypes of an Irishman, having red hair and beard, constantly being at the bar, and having an accent so thick that I could barely understand him even though I knew him. OK none of these jokes are going to be overly filthy, because this is a site for all the family. The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does.". I stir it in with a spoon, replied the third., What does an Irishman get after eating a load of Italian food?
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