Through the work of transition, he writes in Pirates at the Funeral, Unremarkable, everyday things became wildly impossible; baffling, sometimes contradictory, profoundly daunting things become possible and shortly thereafter absolutely necessary. Becoming oneself in a community is the queerest story weve got. Dear Prudence, how did Slates advice columnist find himself here? We were told (1) that pedophilia was like homosexuality, (2) that the most important thing was maintaining secrecy around this affair, and (3) that we lacked standing to offer an alternative form of treatment for sexual obsessions with children because of our transitions, Lavery wrote. In this new book, the hilarious and insightful Lavery reflects on his era as Prudie. Getting through it can take powerful magic, huge acts of transformation and small acts of neatening. He was born in Simi Valley, Calif., to Nancy and John Ortberg, pastor of the Silicon Valley megachurch Menlo Church. What does it mean to not get to resort to some of my old strategies of putting off difficult experiences when I am experiencing them in a community of people?. They now live in the kind of unrealistically nice New York apartment that usually only exists on TV: crown molding, a massive walk-in closet, sweeping views of the Manhattan and Brooklyn skylines that only grow more spectacular when the sun sets. Brammer is gay and Latino. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many showsyoull also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Danny Lavery welcomes Sophie Lewis, the author of essays about octopus sex, theoretical screeds about capitalism, and numerous texts about family abolition, including the 2019 book Full Surrogacy Now:.- Hren Sie The Act of Estrangement von Big Mood, Little Mood with Daniel M. Lavery sofort auf Ihrem Tablet, Telefon oder im Browser - kein Herunterladen erforderlich. Through the stories Lavery chooses to share, we see a glimpse of what it means to grant oneself permission. But theres also an inevitable (for me, at least) tendency toward rigidity and over-assuredness that comes from being asked your opinion on a regular basis over a six-year period, so that lightness wasnt entirely evenly distributed. they made me take all of my piercings out for top surgery so i lost all of my little adornments. It feels like a small act of neatening that I really appreciate, says Daniel Lavery, the author of Slates Dear Prudence advice column. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our workProduction by Phil SurkisMake an impact this Black History Month by helping Macys on their mission to fund UNCF scholarships for HBCU students. I am such a fangirl for this beautiful couple . Every week, Danny M. Lavery brings on a guest to answer questions from listeners before diving into conversation about relationships, dissatisfaction, drives, regrets, estrangement, embarrassment, self-assessments, and feelings from the monumental to the minute. You've decided to leave a comment. They began to speak of their shared desires to transition. Our third letter is from someone who wishes they could get over their resistance to polyamory. The brotheralso said that, apart from Lavery, the rest of the family had known for years. Great natural compositions that dont need to resort to cliched gimmicks to represent a beautiful occasion. You can also contribute via. It was hard, but not complicated.. Can Someone Please Stop This?). WE ARE NOT WORTHY. Yay! One gets the idea, watching Gomez, that he delights in getting to be a man, short and boisterous and nurturing and bursting with hope and pocket watches, Ortberg muses. They have a dog named after Alison Bechdel. The male pronoun on this womans coffin represented powerful magic that caused gender transformation, reads the text on one display. I wanted . I come here for gay shit, to put it simply. for example if i still talked to my grandmother i am sure i would know every plot point from the last four years of the Paramount+ Kevin Costner rancher drama Yellowstone. ugh Adrian its unfair to make me cry when I dont even have the book yet! I think I was able to develop a lighter touch, at least with some subjects, since I took my own role in any given letter writers decision-making process a bit less seriously as time went on. there are a lot of weird/small-scale/tertiary effects of family estrangement you could never predict. Oggcast (Vorbis), American writer and university lecturer Daniel Lavery, Kerryn Fields: a folk and country music star finally back home, Alie Benge: writing about a concept of home, Richard Fidler: in the footsteps of medieval wanderers, Curtis Sittenfeld: rehabilitating the image of the rom-com. WEDDING! When I asked him, so what do we do with the Bible? it may have been a bit self-interested Im in divinity school and ask myself this question daily. The book is set to hit stores in April 2023. We accept credit card, Apple Pay, and In addition, we are reviewing our protective measures for children.. Send Danny a question here.Email: mood@slate.comIf you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. The Act of Estrangement: With Daniel M. Lavery, Sophie Lewis. Christina has written 224 articles for us. Over the past few years, the story of his life has resembled a series of Dear Prudence letters that Lavery has had to resolve for himself, culminating in a . Nonbinary student banned from prom for wearing a suit. Another letter writer wants to sever ties with her mom, but theres one complication. with further details that shed further light on their problems. His upbringing shaped me and made me who I am, and I cant change it any more than I can change another part of myself, he says. Another letter writer is wondering how to cope in a less than desirable living environment. In his deeply personal bookSomething That May Shock and Discredit You,Lavery explores the pressures of transitioning from one gender identity to another. Dear Prudence, Im in love with my best friend. As an adult, he's grateful not to be part of an evangelical community but at the same time has deep gratitude and fondness for the stories of the Bible, including the "resonant and beautiful"story of Jacob wrestling with God in the Book of Genesis. Byron really just thinks its funny that shes such a heartless bitch. The day after their wedding, the Laverys decamped across the country to New York. Me? But now, It was very, very, very clear to me what needed to happen, Lavery says. its.overdue i think, A post shared by Daniel M. Lavery (@daniel_m_lavery) on Feb 3, 2020 at 2:29pm PST, Something is not a trans memoir, at least not in the vein of Redefining Realness or Amateur (both of which I loved). Danny mentions the estrangement in his latest Dear Prudence podcast. Sitting in the gorgeous lobby of the Julia Morgan ballroom, I couldn't stop thinking about two things: 1. Thoughtful advice given with kindness and consideration, about a wide range of interpersonal topics. Strangers rallied to help. He reserves much of his weirdest writing for his newsletter and put some of it in his second book, the Lovecraftian Merry Spinster: Tales of Everyday Horror. Thank you so much for sharing !!! Rules of Estrangement Big Mood, Little Mood with Daniel M. Lavery Sexuality Danny Lavery welcomes Marie Manner, a research and development data scientist. Lavery followed shortly thereafter, in 2016 (he jokes in his book about a one-in-one-out policy for their genders). Is First Republic Banks failure sign of a slow-motion banking crisis? Were not therapists, says John Paul Brammer, the advice columnist who writes Hola Papi! Its a joy. It was shortly thereafter that Lavery began having, as he wrote, a persistent thought, which came on all at once and in a way that suggested it had always been with me: What if you were a man, sort of?. Their authors mostly reflected the audience of the womens pages, where they were printed. Facebook gives people the power to. That's fantastic. It is devastating not only to the individuals directly involved - collateral damage can extend upward, downward, and across generations. It was a full-on immersive experience of like, hanging out for hours a day, every day, sharing incredibly intimate stories, says Grace, 36, a tall, British brunette who dresses glamorously in big sunglasses and fur coats a complement to Laverys holographic fanny pack and deconstructed houndstooth blazer. Im not crying at my desk, YOURE crying at my desk! Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by! About the Show. Please do not bring her back on the show. "To me, that last name I really associated with sickness, secrecy and a loss of the love that I once felt for this family, because I would have called us quite close before everything came out.". For if we have seen one lady gone mad with learning . Danny Lavery welcomes Marie Manner, a research and development data scientist. "Most people don't transition because they've been persuaded that men are better and there ought to be more of them or women are better and there ought to be more of them. Gomez, Ortberg writes, takes a vocational glee in his masculinity that is distinctively transmasculine. [More often, people undergo gendertransition because they think] 'Ithink I'd really like to be a man' or 'Ithink I'd really like to be a woman.'". Lavery served as Dear Prudences fourth columnist from 2016 to 2021, before handing off the reigns to Jene Desmond-Harris, the columns current Prudie. Congrats to the newlyweds! tiny! Even good counsel can lead to messy resolutions. Truly a self-declared trans royal wedding for the ages. You were Slates Prudie for five years. Looks like it was a lovely ceremony, and those are really great photographs. A wedding photo shoot will be an ideal option for this, I advise you to explore more good options here https://jaygrubbphotography.mypixieset.com/. Lavery and Manner take on two letters. And I came to take a slightly different tack on interfamilial conflict and estrangement as a result of my own estrangement during that time since I knew firsthand what it felt like (although everyones family is of course different). Lavery had reported a congregant's confession of "obsessive sexual feelings about young children" to Pastor Ortberg, who encouraged that person to continue volunteering with minors. From Slate comes the Big Mood, Little Mood with Daniel M. Lavery advice podcast. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our workProduction by Phil SurkisLearn more about your ad choices. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our workProduction by Phil SurkisMake an impact this Black History Month by helping Macys on their mission to fund UNCF scholarships for HBCU students. Something contains, for starters, a transing of the Apostle Paul, liberal use of liturgical phrasings, and an extremely funny re-telling of Mary and Martha. First, from someone who is wondering if. Another letter writer is wondering if she should pursue a long-time crush.Need advice? Ahahaha! They married in December. Send Danny a question here.Email: mood@slate.comIf you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus. Im so thrilled that Grace and Danny agreed to share some images of that day with you all; selfishly, because I want to re-live every moment I can, and because reveling in as much queer joy as we can is a gift, one that we should hold tight to. But I think mainly I miss the excuse to get a glimpse into dozens of strangers lives on a weekly basisit was such a wonderful outlet for my general curiosity into how other people live. A parishioner at the church, who volunteered with children, had told the Ortbergs that he (the parishioner) was attracted to children. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many showsyoull also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices Note: Captions are auto-generated by YouTube.Subscribe to Slate: https://www.youtube.com/slateLearn more: https://slate.com/podcasts/big-mood-little-moodFollow Slate on Social: Host Daniel M. Lavery on Twitter: https://twitter.com/daniel_m_laverySlate on Twitter - https://twitter.com/SlateSlate Podcasts on Twitter - https://twitter.com/SlatePodcastsSlate on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/slateSlate on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/slate/ Another letter writer is losing her connection with her father, as he believes that COVID is fake. White women, such as Amy Dickinson and The Posts own Carolyn Hax, still have the high-profile syndicated gigs, but different kinds of voices have started to emerge in the world of advice-giving. Literally shedding tears in my bed at 10.23 pm looking at this, thanks. Traditionally, the verb of choice to describe the process of thinking very hard about something is wrestling. . An independent investigation did not reveal any allegations of misconduct, a church spokeswoman wrote. Sometimes theyre frivolous problems, about weddings or gifts, that present windows to deeper ones: codependency, boundaries and so on. At the Toast, he wrote weird, specific, and incredibly compelling essays like This Guy on an Old Harry Potter Forum Says Dumbledore Is a Time-Traveling Ron Weasley and I Want to Hear Him Out, or a version of the fairy tale The Six Swans made profoundly horrific plus the series that eventually became his first book, Texts From Jane Eyre. If anyone is interested in further Power Team information, the Good Christian Fun podcast did a deep, BAPESTA Shoes For Men Women from A BATHING APE Get Latest BAPE Shoes collection Get Fast Shipping with Amazing Discount, Heather, I had never heard of this show and glimpsing at the headline / summary I really thought you were, I am really thankful for your post. . I dont think I ever advised anyone to cut ties with their relatives whimsically or without cause, but it no longer seemed as daunting, or as necessary to avoid if possible, as it once had. I would like to mourn for half an hour. There is something about celebrating a person and a relationship you trust and love with the people that matter to you most in life that is so touching and hopeful. This book is odd and self-satisfied and bizarrely specific, in all the best possible ways. Lavery and Manner take on two letters. Danny Lavery welcomes Cyndie Spiegel, author of the book, Microjoys: Finding Hope (Especially) When Life is Not Okay.Lavery and Spiegel offer advice to someone who is uncomfortable bringing up financial privilege among their friend group. As such, its very easy to imagine Gomezs inner euphoria-driven monologue when he wakes up every morning: Ah, how wonderful! - Lytt til The Act of Estrangement fra Big Mood, Little Mood with Daniel M. Lavery direkte p mobilen din, surfetavlen eller nettleseren - ingen nedlastinger ndvendig. The second chapter includes titles for the transmasculine memoirs he did not want to write, including What If Masculinity but in a Soft, Sort-Of-Drapey Jacket, and Liminal: In which the author refers to himself, alternately, as a gender rebel, smuggler, real-life-sexual-crossing-guard, and, for some reason, a cyborg., So what is it, if not memoir? Talking family estrangement, the "soft version" of family abolition, and the novel Detransition, Baby, with guest Sophie Lewis. Every week, Danny M. Lavery brings on a guest to answer questions from listeners before diving into conversation about relationships, dissatisfaction, drives, regrets, estrangement, embarrassment, self-assessments, and feelings from the monumental to the minute. He told himself that if livingas a male and didn'tlike it he could also detransition, as others have. I WAS ALREADY EXCITED FOR THIS BOOK AND NOW I AM EVEN MORE EXCITED !!! Is this being curated toward acceptable vulnerability so that someone will walk away from this book liking me? he said. (Autostraddle is) run by a team of progressively feminist queer and trans folks, Autostraddle is a digital publication and real life community for multiple generations of LGBTQIA+ humans (and their friends). relatedly i have an ADHD screening session set up next week lmao. He said that, after many California winters, I had no sense of a winter coat as an adult and thought I will wear my regular coat with a sweater underneath, but I was wrong. He had bought a real coat; he was sitting outside. Dear Prudence is choked up. Also, Spiegel shares the inspiration behind her book, Microjoys.Need advice? Ditto. Really enjoy hearing Dannys thoughts on different topics each week but this episode only got through two questions. (He struggles at times to contextualize or justify the things he becomes fixated on: It feels like asking me why do you want me to be alive, and its like, because I am, and its nice!). So when I tell you Grace Lavery and Daniel M. Laverys wedding was an experience that I am still not quite sure I can do justice to via written word, I mean it. What a s----y little beard, says Lavery, pointing out the contrast between the subjects great, lustrous hair and the faint cloud of mist over his chin.. Take a mental break with the newest Vox crossword, The fight to make it harder for landlords to evict their tenants. Google Pay. Perspective, too. He also writes about how Lord Byron isnt really mad or offended at his ex-wife. I have a hard time experiencing pain for five minutes, I want to fix it fast. We use cookies and other tracking technologies to improve your browsing experience on our site, show personalized content and targeted ads, analyze site traffic, and understand where our audiences come from. (Is it proper for women to be learned? someone asked in the Athenian Mercury, an 1690s British publication, according to the Atlantic. John Ortberg did not respond to The Posts requests for comment. Every week, Danny M. Lavery brings on a guest to answer questions from listeners before diving into conversation about relationships, dissatisfaction, drives, regrets, estrangement, embarrassment, self-assessments, and feelings from the monumental to the minute. The Biblical edict to not call what is evil, evil and not call what is good, good,gave Lavery "solace and comfort" in standing up to his family. Roxane Gay, who wrote Ask Roxane for the New York Times through 2018, is a bisexual black woman who has also written about her weight. Slate Plus members get an ad-free experience across the network and exclusive content on many showsyoull also be supporting the work we do here on Big Mood, Little Mood. Support our mission and help keep Vox free for all by making a financial contribution to Vox today. from my favourite Shatner Chatner, and very apt I think. What a bitter, lonely thing to be saying. Was there any letter or response you revisited in the course of making this book that made you think, Huh, Id think about that differently now? Most of us arent psychologists. Laverys new book gives us everything we love about the long-running columnfrom thoughtful correctives to tough love. Grace had been thinking about it for decades soit was "a real delight"for the couple tostarttransitioning together, Lavery says, sometimessharing theirold clothes with each other and finding their own new personal stylein parallel. Cannot wait. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Tumblr (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to email a link to a friend (Opens in new window), Unfortunately yes! I always follow your blog. First, from someone who is wondering if it's okay she doesn't have a big reason to cut her father from her life. A similar kind of glee animates Ortbergs writing, and it rushes all the way through this thoughtful, joyous book. Everyone has their own traditions for this day, but what unites us all is that we want to remember this day forever. And occasionally, Id hear back from a letter writer (although never as often as Id like!) What luck!. And of course theres the Resurrection story. Trying desperately to be okay with not enough and the goodness that comes from giving up that ghost is a prominent theme in Something That May Shock and Discredit You, Laverys new collection of essays. The earliest advice columns, back in the 17th century, were written by men. Together, Meinzer and Greenberg host a new podcast called How To Be Fine, where they discuss wellness-related questions and help debunk all the self-help myths and promises.Lavery, Meinzer and Greenberg give advice to someone who is feeling under appreciated by friends who frequently park their cars at his home. . To embed this content on your own webpage, cut and paste the following: , for easy access to all your favourite programmes, Podcast (MP3) By the time the bride strutted (and I mean strutted) down the aisle to Marina and the Diamonds Primadonna the room was thick with laughter and love. He is known for having co-founded the website The Toast, and written the books Texts from Jane Eyre (2014), The Merry Spinster (2018), and Something That May Shock and Discredit You (2020). In the essay The Stages of Not Going On T, he writes, I think everyone should get the chance to try going on hormones, except for me. there are a hundred men could be named.). On hormones? "Essentially I thought [female to male transition] would be a really good, fun, interesting, compelling thing to do and so far at least I think that it has been.". Skip to . Writer Daniel Lavery, the estranged son of Menlo Church senior pastor John Ortberg, further claimed that not only had his father failed to stop the volunteer from working with children, he. Its not that I dont want to share experiences with people, especially other trans people, but I dont want relatability to encompass everything., The book avoids the pitfalls of meaningless relatability by being exquisitely specific and making plenty of room for the reader to have their own opinion about whether Duckie from Pretty In Pink is A) a lesbian or B) redeemable, or to consider the way their own religious upbringing might affect their emotional life as an adult regardless of how much anxiety about the Rapture that upbringing may or may not have contained. . Getting in Bed With Kristin + Sophia Wallace: Clits, Shame, and the Patriarchy, RuPauls Drag Race Episode 1314 Recap: Drag Excellence, The Autostraddle Insider Issue 103: April 2023, Top 7 Style Blogs for The Aesthetically Oriented Queer, HBOs Somebody Somewhere Is Middle-Age Queer Friendship and Hard-Won Hope, Sex & Accessibility 101: How to Have Super Hot Sex with or as a Disabled Person, How to Finger Your Partner When You Have Chronic Pain in Your Hands, Autism Is Not a Trend, but There Are Problems With How Its Discussed Online, Pop Culture Fix: Meet Ariana DeBoses Disney Princess, The Original Star-Wisher. Its comforting and helpful. Here is the line that led me, two weeks after my own top surgery, to throw the book down so I could get up and take a lap even though there were only ten pages left: The year I asked for top surgery, five years into sobriety, was the first time I admitted publicly to having a body and wanting to do something about it, something I could not, or at least had not, done before. Copyright 2023 Apple Inc. All rights reserved. There are only informal ones: a deep well of empathy, a strong moral compass, a gift for being succinct without coming off as glib. Follow Adrian on Twitter @adrianwhitetx. Lavery had worried about losing his family when he transitioned. What do you miss most about your Prudie days? Also, Meinzer and Greenberg give us a behind the scenes look at their new podcast, How To Be Fine.Need advice? Daniel M Lavery will be appearing at theAuckland Writers Festivalin May. Go to macys.com/purpose to learn more.Learn more about your ad choices. There are no formal qualifications for an advice columnist. Lavery and Gethard take on three letters. ", The business of bringing truths to modern advice-seekers fell first to one gender, then to another. What feels very transmasculine about this is just like, Ive got my hairstyle exactly as I want it. Lavery studied English, not art, at Azusa Pacific, a private evangelical university. It was a little overwhelming, the strength and solidarity that enveloped us all. This new book promises a look at some of the most eye-opening questions during your tenure, as well as new commentary and exclusive stories. Lavery and Rosen offer advice to someone whos wondering if he should be concerned about a cashier's creepy behavior. This is a wonderful review and the new book sounds excellent! While many people sufferthe deeply painful loss of family relationships during gender transition, Lavery says, his recent estrangementfrom his own family was due to a moral conflict. You, you show up, and you fight me, and then you touch me, Jacob yells to the angel in another essay 70 pages later, and now I have a different name Im going to have to explain to everyone., All of those are excellent points, is all the angel says in response, and the essay ends with the former Jacob, now Israel, trying to think of an explanation for everyone.. Aaahh I have been swooning over these for weeks!! Lavery and Manner take on two letters. 00:33:15 - Here's a special treat for all of you Big Mood, Little Mood listeners: Daniel M. Lavery is excited to introduce to you the new Dear Prudence podcast . Big Mood, Little Mood with Daniel M. Lavery, Big Mood, Little Mood with Daniel M. Lavery. Copyright 2023 Apple Inc. All rights reserved. You can pre-order the book on Amazon, Bookshop, or HarperCollins. I cant wait to read the book! Im the only person who shouldnt take hormones. "This is something I wanted to try because I thought it would enhance my life, not because it will remove all doubt or pain or ambiguity or uncertainty,"the American writer tells Kim Hill. It made my own life feel delightfully more crowded with experience than one person could possibly hope to have on their own. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our workProduction by Phil SurkisLearn more about your ad choices. Adrian, this is brilliant; so excited to buy and devour Dannys book tomorrow! To learn more or opt-out, read our Cookie Policy. More Favorite Location: United States Genres: Arts & Culture Podcasts Advice Networks: This relationship to fluidity, a mix of suspicion and acceptance, carries throughout Laverys life and writing. Ive been to a fair number of weddings in the last few years (as is expected for someone in their 30th year of life) and Ive loved them all, sentimental sap that I am. Since the Toast shuttered in 2016, Ortberg has mostly been keeping busy helming Slates Dear Prudence advice column, which compared to the Toast is fairly, for lack of a better word, normie. I highlighted the info from the about section from this site where it states that it includes trans peeps amongst everyone else in the lgbt+ community. RNZ. If the Toast were still around, its the kind of insight that might have led to an entire post: Transmasculine Beards of Art History. That was the websites sense of humor: well-read, absurd, knowing. On November 21, Daniel M. Lavery reports to the Elders of Menlo Church that their senior pastor, John Ortberg Jr., had conspired in secret to provide a person experiencing compulsive sexual feelings towards children with unsupervised access to young people through youth groups-in the hopes that the Menlo Elders would conduct a confidential and i really missed them but its taken me like 18 months to start replacing them. This Guy on an Old Harry Potter Forum Says Dumbledore Is a Time-Traveling Ron Weasley and I Want to Hear Him Out, Ortberg has become estranged from his family, Bible story of Jacob wrestling with the angel. One Toast fan even donated a kidney to another. Half of Slates roster of parenting columnists are people of color, one of its sex columnists is a gay man, and the other is Stoya, a porn actress. Go to macys.com/purpose to learn more.Learn more about your ad choices. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. I have been a die hard Danny listener and fan since dear prudence and pre-books, but unfortunately feel compelled to give a bad review after listening to this episode with Kate Duffy. And my God, if thats not what wanting is! to transition out of my bloodline and body entirely, to appear and become inhuman covered in eyelashes, maybe, Lavery wrote in his newsletter. Unlike many trans people who describe their previous name as a 'dead name',Laveryrefers to 'Mallory Ortberg' as his "old name". Hi! Daniel M. Lavery tried to explain why he was sitting outside as he spoke to me on the phone from New York in January. Sign up now at Slate.com/MoodPlus to help support our workProduction by Phil SurkisMake an impact this Earth Month by helping Macys on their mission to bring more parks to more people across the country. !!! He pauses to take that back: Although, I can change parts of myself.. If theres a moment that best sums up Daniel Mallory Ortbergs new memoir in essays Something That May Shock and Discredit You, its when Ortberg declares Gomez Addams of Addams Family fame to be an icon of transmasculinity. Finally, a letter writer is wondering if they should speak up about her daughters water acclimation class.Need advice? He had advised readers seeking to leave their families before, but he comes to it now with a newly heightened awareness of the costs. Send Danny a question here.Email: mood@slate.comIf you enjoy this show, please consider signing up for Slate Plus.
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